Recently I had to deal with my very first runner…… when I mean runner, I mean one of the parties jumping up from their chair, with no notice and darting out of the room and out of the building, in the middle of a tense discussion during a private session at
mediation.
I have had many threats to leave before. In those circumstances, I pull every skill and personality trait that I have out of the hat, to get parties to stay and work with me, find a way around what is upsetting them and be creative to reach a resolution. Despite several threats I have managed to keep the parties in the process and reach a settlement several hours later.
So, what did I do when I was given 10 seconds notice of the intention to leave and by the time the sentence was finished the person was off, out the room, down the stairs and heading out of the building. Well I went after them, at speed, remaining calm (although I cannot avoid the fact that I was quickly out of breath!) and continuing to talk to them asking them to reconsider and come back, even if just for 5 minutes, to have a cup of tea and so I could make sure they were ok. I kept following, trying to keep up the pace (in heels) and ended up on a grim, grey street in the city, in the drizzling rain, asking the party to reconsider and to perhaps take 5 minutes and come back to the room with me where we can talk through the issue.
Luckily 10 minutes later I was sat back in a warm room with the person, who was feeling extremely emotional, asking them why they had reacted like that and how we can work around it.
Obviously if the party had ran off up the street, continued to run and jumped on a bus, then I would not have gone to such lengths to bring them back, but sometimes you have to go that extra mile to make sure parties have been given every chance to grasp the opportunity of the process and if that means following the party to help them calm down and come back to their private room, then that’s what I will do.
The process is always completely voluntary and if a party tells me that they no longer wish to participate after thinking about it in a calm manner, taking everything into account and has made an informed decision with logical reasons then that is a decision for them. I just need to know that I have tried my best for all concerned. However when emotions are running high, I don’t want a party to regret a reaction and feel like they cannot come back into the process as a result. Emotions are strong feelings that can overpower people and any rational thought process, being a mediator means we have to deal with these emotions and face them head on, especially in
contentious probate cases. Working through emotions and helping parties move forward is a major part of the role and an absolute necessity to
facilitating settlement.
Safe to say the matter settled a few hours later and I finished the evening at home for 10pm with a cup of tea reflecting on my day. More new
lessons, the biggest of which is to take a flat pair of shoes with me to every
mediation from now on!
